Todays gift from life was the definite explanation that defines NEVER in very strong sense. SO no matter what nicely promises were given, dreams shared, future ahead was not to be..
It is so IMPOSSIBLE
yes, guess so
when decision is made
there is no turning back
and now me knows
Nothing really changed..
Just the LIFE Question
went into laser bright neon
from darker shadow of not so sure to this
dark bright
NEON letters
written all over my hope as a FORBIDDEN sign of an X all over my dreams
and am puzzled
so puzzled
where did we lost this
when did we lost it
was it ever there
Just some dreaming then uh
ah ok
think am awake now
its damn cold
....
:/
when I die I wont come to you
I will go to some one that wants me there
I don't like it to be not welcome
when I am thrown into dust
then am not
coming to you
don't worry
we were never here
<
why would anything be as meant to be
ever
no reason whatsoever
and life moves on....
Just another shitty day in hell...
when everything breaks apart
of course
the most important
cannot be relayed on either
realization
is hard to care
we were never here
ugh
...
:/
the giljotine isn't down yet,..,. am still waiting...
for that one... it will fall in september
after this
it will be hard
as far as it comes to the social destruction of my financial stuff
well.... since this above stroke me to the ground
guess the material world will fix itself
no luck with money -
no luck with games
mostly gives this effect
I don't know
everything turned damned grey
today
never mind....
its life.,...
disappointments all over sometimes
in all kind of aspects....
especially in the trust department
its so nice with honest ones around
when the one most wanted
is being honest
makes me wonder
why
why choose
someone
so unwillingly
BECAUSE
when they wants you
and needs you
then they are very VERY convincing
well....
in the end
the truth comes forward
it was all a game
nothing for real
just dreaming
and suppose it was fún too
to break the distress
to break the boredome
by making me think
something
more of it
then it seems to be
so WHY why the hell
disturb then...
grabbing me
when am off to other universe
when I given up
when I make peace with my solitude
in this
when I accepted
I cannot have what I wanted
dangle the carrot before me nose
and see me jump
the happy rabbit jumps
The only NOOSE
is the DEATH Noose
only thing to relay on
but it takes 30 dreadful seconds
so no
not for me
am sure death is a boring place to be
at least this CHAOZ and MAZE
life is
gives some thrills
Guess am bit low due to not eating too
so tomorrow it will feel fine once more then
and I fight the impulse to just scream
WHY
WTF WHY
its not so strange everyone splits up
when social pressure kicks in
I know... there are books on the subject
...and I found out..... that I could have been working for any agency during the last shit year after all.... all this desinformation....
think its needed to start a center for information about social fuked up rules of society.. how to deal.... whats right and whats wrong..... so no one becomes poor as hell and looses everything just because the job is gone for while and you are suffering under the well fare shit with all its consequences
..and no...I didn't move.... I went to court with that shit... and they told..they should not make me move.... unfair blackmail.... I stopped go to them...
I don't eat instead... and am working part time... and soon I will sell my articles..
since now I can do this..
when am informed
as I am now
not same information
given as last time...
Some days... am thinking of just leaving
maybe am preparing
for the last resort
when am out of nothing
everything
anything
left
I will clearly die under that bridge, frozen to death
so no option
its costly to be me...
everyone else is doing fine...
even if their soul gets spanked
by this
mine is fine....
posh little girl
walking down the street
nose in the sky
never touching dirt
not misbehaving
keeping clear line
for how long and why.....
am not being saved by the white knight anyway
that was clear and went clear tonight
he doesn't want this
maybe if am broken totally into peaces...
yeah right
if doesn't care now
wont care then either
am nothing
just was fun to mess with for some years
trashbin.... embrace....trash again
and so on.....back and forth
forth and back
again
then..... the beginning signs of the hunt...for else entertainment...
and then..... back again....
oh wow...
IS THIS LIFE
starts to get it why calls themselves complicated
I know another word for complicated...
its UNINTERESTED.. and NOT SERIOUS
you know what.... it's OK to be this...
many has lovers and not relations
its not unusual
strange thing with men like this is
they don't accept it ever to be over
and it is never...
its just a hiding game
in the end
and the bleeding heart
leaving traces of black sorrow
everywhere
leaving traces...
everywhere.,...
R.I.P LOVE
rest in peace DREAMS
Maybe I resurrect you one day...
beware of this^^
You might get zombified
(sitting in net skirt in front of TV with big belly, burping of beer... nightmarish:/)
who am I kidding....
love IS a ZOMBIE
we resurrect
over and over again
its a social idea
the chemicals
they make things happen
and that is true
unexplainable wonder
well well...
NEVER MIND
am lost...
anyway
in so many ways
so..
why even bother to be upset...
nothing changed
all is same
only now I know
for sure
what its about
men feeling rejected are worse then women scorned
the trick is to remember when we rejected them
was it when we were realizing
they weren't willing
or was it when they sniffed out new pussys of interest,..,.
who knows..
when interest got forlorn,...
who knows...
anyway...
tonight I found out
the definite
answer
anyway
NEVER
TO BE
so deal with this....
now...
I tell myself
Life is a maze
and then we die
well, soul mates never die...
still not sure they are supposed to be lovers though
that seems complicated
for sure...
