Yeah Right... - just det :/

so when thinks everything is ok, then when come home this damned weeping starts again.. no wonder life gets so fucked up in feelings and emotions turns into being so overdimensioned when one doesnt eat properly and the pound shop told me my gold was american double so its getting interesting to get to work this month since no travel money and work in the country side Life under the level is so getting deep in meaning To have to back off from promised land felt feeling is so hard, especially when it touches life, love, future and everything same time when life crashes it surely so do in a very thouroughly way well we got to reach the bottom to see whats there I must find a way to stop this feeling of being outside myself body is still reacting with shock sympthoms but why I KNEW all the time my head is as if had no oxygen for while and these tears these tears for what for what for what well not sure if it changes anything for me still these reactions scare me will try to eat and see if its getting different am not made of panzar got feelings and emotions and was always honest no game SHOULD done games maybe followed instinct but for what I dont do games it either is or it isnt BACKLASH seeing things from the other end of the rope mirrors shattered glass of mirrors everywhere right now Time to shape up pull myself together raise from this reach my inner IZ she seems so sad though and bit disappointed to even be that no need to be things are what they are life is life love is fucked always we already knew still this goes beyond everything still the feeling is as this is just ordinary shit predestinated selfdestruction as hopes woken are nothing new Time will tell... IT FUCKS ME UP I DESTROYED MY ANT STORY of the Divine contra Human for what... did I do that sacrifices emphatie sucks there is none for me in the end and why should it be every man is responsible for what we allow If dont want to make a sacrifice then dont simple as this when you believe you are safe you are not thats for sure well, blurbing shit thought things are what them are as always what you cannot be without keep this what you dont need just skip it

Not for me - Aldrig blev så verkligt plötsligt

Just Let go..

It takes a lots of skill to turn page so often and suddenly realize NEVER is such hush word. When it becomes real, the shock is sudden. I really belived all fairy words.
Should have known to use my skills of understanding and shouldnt ever take them serious.

Nothing is changing

Them words of fairy is just phanthasies

The universe you share with another human being that you wish to share this with
is what it is

And it really doesnt matter

Its just to see it for what it is

its eternal

Just not meant to be anything else
no matter fairy words

And maybe its ok

who needs to be near the one beloved anyway
nearness fuks things up

Am feeling like Cinderella

"What is a dance at the castle.... anyway.... just a fucking dance.... nothing real even if feels real

I just dreamed...

And let someone capture me totally

gave gifts not needed
gifts not wanted

so,,,

every relation has got its limitations

and this ones limitation is that its ethernal

Nothing to fuzz about...

Its just Life

Satan!!!! :/
He made me dream
I wished for something
never thought wanted
ever more
in life

So many years.... of all..then nothing...then everything...then none..then gone...then back....then again something...then the final realization.... NO
Not possible
Too many obsticles
Too many hinders
IMPOSSIBLE

ah ok

Then back to friendship then....

well, its hell of a friend, so am ok

Appreciate the existance of this person

Narcissism, where do you take me...
Its just a mirror
face that
he is just like me

And I am pretty uncompatible too

Well....... lets see where this will do ... changes nothing

It was just a dream...

A nice dream

Future plans dream

FUTURE

HA

Future is now

LIVE

its ok

everything is ok

Its just that everything´s crashing

Why

why trash my friendships
why attack
anyone coming near
why always return when
am given hope lost

why
be jelous
if doesnt wants me

Wants me...
wants me not
wants me in this and that concept
wants me not

just needs me as the eternal freind I guess
friend with benefits
sometimes

easily fooled
into giving
more then
deserved

Like pearls for them
who doesnt knows
thems worth

The sandqueen
steps into the icon
and shut down the
world
so the world
doesnt deserve
them pearls

They were never wanted

not for real

well, every relation doesnt have to be more then this

It was just that
He made me dream

I made me dream

never met the like before

It was amazing

Nice dream

gone

Perfect timing too

Now am totally alone

for real

not even ...

ah never mind

I dont belive in relationships anyway

so why am I so totally in shock

this none oxygen feeling

as if the skin is of layers with carbonated sugar water inunder

lips numb

well, am not suicidal anyway

Just will make sure not to walk on any high bridges
for a while

who knows the inner wishes of nothing

well....

life goes on

and its not my wish to die

so no

I just feel so damn condemned
to eternal sadness

Its not so very often one meet someone
as oneself
so lonely it is

everyone else was welcome
nearness was needed

not mine

My soul
Is nearness enough
My energy
My apperance
wanted

Distance

Why had to make me dream
of more
this is my question
why

good timing......:/ the possible rival just met a new girl, the ex that loved me forever is dead a few weeks ago, me myself realizes am no more no one none, life crashes, and the beloved so doesnt wish to be with me
not more then on distance

well

distance is existance

anyway

am no dream one no more

dream is no more

so ok

time to plan otherwise

the trik is to make this near beloved accept
ah what does it matter
never cared anyway
what I do

Its me that just dont focus to well

I JUST WANTED
to be
the ONE

and for a short second, a split second
of eternity
I was believing this I was

never doubt a mans instinct....
told myself this
once
tell myself this always
if there is hesitation
dont do this

one cannot do nothing against inner emotions

mine said yes
his said no

so thats it then

Five years of hoping
adn none hope
splits ups
and eternity

Time to get real....