jaha, en engelsk blogg igen då... om mitt lilla ågren besök och lite gnäll om a-kassans regler och soc kravet på att jag ska flytta till en billigare lägenhet.. hur fan jag nu ska få råd till en flytt... this blog is in english and follows after the video.
Hard to fight an angst attack tonite. Numb lips. Cold lips. Numb feeling in my face. Breathing totally wrong... well am practicing mums yoga breathing she thought me last time she stepped by... this just gives more oxygen then me can take.. so I practice the trik... distraction.... you take a coin and roll it around your fingers... both hands.... well.. guess it s more efficient when you are not both handed as me.... ah well... so I blog then...
I called the social department today. Has to.... can't pay my electricity nor the gas bill... they made an ultimatum.... try change your flat to a less expensive or we wont help you out...
so... am I skipped out to them behatefulled suburbs then...
naaaa
they gave me the creeps once upon the time
so I fight really hard to get my inner city flat
took me so many years
am not givin it up
guess I will take a tenant then...
to pay half the rent
or something...
maybe I get a job soon
am coming with the newstartjobs label now...
63% reducement of their costs for me payed out in hand, if I got it right,
only they employ me....
just beacuse I only had fill in jobs now and then the last year since my work was taken off by the government when they took away the young ones ability to learn media properly with handcraft and teorie mixed..
The art universities stopped the government to take estetics off from secondary school program, becuase they cant take pupils on that arent teached how to hold a pencil in their hands.
But the journalists don't want competition in the infected area of nepotism and shit that gave them their jobs once... so the union of journalism fought hard for years to kill this programme off.... and now they got their will through...
well.... young people doesn't stop learning anyway...
they use the internet.. and they grasp the chance to learn media communication in the social program instead .. or in the special subject that some estetical program at secondary school provides
I still do not get it
why waste millions of billions on educating us journalists into become media taechers and then take away our jobs...
fuked up way to run finances of a country, if you ask me...
and its my own fuked up union of elitism that made that happen....
well, them old bastards are soon retired and hopefully the union will be runned by more skilled people with more decent agenda then protecting their own arses...
well.. got nothing more to tell...
today
so see you next time
added only because of the photo next to follow is Velvet Undergrounds version..or one of them...
hate the Banana album so here is a live version I like
ahh wtf..who am I kidding.. this is the song I love....
and btw.... some lingurie store is reading my blogs... they offered me the opportunity to get around 20 quid to lotto out to my readers if I blog about them...
and no am not heroine user... never try stuff that will get me hooked.... life is such a drug in itself..otherwise I wouldnt be around I guess....
I dont even use affiliation...
I love it when it's commercial free blogs around
this band I kind of love
If I promote something it is beacuse I love it myself... am a journalist....
no fkn dealer.... that could be bought...
well.... am maybe stupid....
maybe I should start makin money undecent ways...
me too
but I am a member of a society of journalists.... that took an oath once... not to be corrupted..... even if ethics are floating thing .... I still got obsticles... against that kind of stuff...
My father used to say
"shall I raise my children to be honest or shall I raise them to fit the corrupt society they are gonna live within... !
Life question....
well... don't know no more...
what to do
sometimes
and still knows anyway
I cannot write proper articles in my blogs... because then the union of mine..the insurance that comes with it.... would say I write blogs to sell meself as a journalist at proposal for employers...
am allowed to blog, but not to make articles...
am thinking of start to clean floors and toilets at the hospital...
just to get rent money in.... and hope to have the energy to write articles as well..
guess no one wants me to do that job.... academics arent welcome exactly.... since everyone knows.... they probably dissapear when a opportunity in their own area shows up...
Last time I was unemployed I worked lots of jobs meanwhile....
and I had a cool unempleoyment office that helped me...
but media teachers arent counted in as cultural workers...
and if you didn't live off your artistic work when you got unemployed
then you cannot come back there again....
Them rules are tigther now as well... so its hard to take fill in jobs....
ah well..... lifes goes on....
I did get into the course at university I wanted.... but I cant go there...
due to rules system
so they prefers me to sit here and get angst instead...
well.... tomorrow library
my english is going to get improved....
am reading Nietzsche again...
and possible my Anaïs Nin if I find a proper english translation
maybe throw in Jane Anne Phillips.. she is hardcore compared to Kathy Acker
Machine Dreams compared to Blood and Guts in High School....
ah I just have to see if I still think this
well, am dreaming myself off the subject....could be I feel dizzy since havent ate in few days too... well.. no one died from that... as long as you drink liquid of water or tea or whatever you are ok...
lost 5 kilos anyway... in last month
not that important
nothing is... except get the rent in, pay the mobile so I get connection to internet and phone.... pay the insurance for unemployment money, try keep the bank happy so I got an account still.... get the damn electricity and gas bill payed...
have coffe and cigs, and prefereably milk for the coffe.... and some vegetables and herbs....for dinner....
needs no more
except maybe get rid of this choking feeling and the overdose of oxygen when I worry a bit...
shit..what am I saying.. I need a job..... thats it...
or some new idea on how to make money flow again....in my economy...
now am gonna stuff this blog with some music.... so you wont get bored stiff...
...
na will do it laters.. am off to a second world to see if my favourite dj is there to unwrinkle my brain...
He wasnt on....
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